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[sstylianou1976]

Old Timers Sex





This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!






The husband leans over and asks his wife,

'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?

We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'




'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'




'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'




'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'




A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation

And, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.

I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.

So he follows them.




The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in...


Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises

And moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.




The policeman is amazed.

He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know..




After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,

The old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself,

This is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.




So, as the couple passes, he says to them,

'Excuse me, but that was something else.

You must've had a fantastic sex life together.

Is there some sort of secret to this?'




Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence

[sstylianou1976]

Ball Therapy

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in
horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men
playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began
to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist,
and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his
hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She
gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments
and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!'

[sstylianou1976]

"Y'know" said the Scotsman,

"I still prefer the pubs back home.
In Glasgow there's a wonderful little bar called
McTavish's. The landlord there goes out of his way for the locals,so much that when you buy 4 drinks he'll buy the 5th drink for you."

"Well", said the Englishman, "at my local, the Red
Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the
first 2."

"Ahhhhh, that's nothing laddies", said the Irishman.
"Back home in me own Dublin, there's Ryan's Bar. -
Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like.
Then, when you've had enough drinks they'll take you
upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house".

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the
Irishman's claims. But he swears every word is true.

"Well," said the Englishman "did this actually
happen to you?"

"Not to me meself, personally, no," said the
Irishman ..."...but it did happen to me sister.